Hello dear moms

How are you all doing today? What new challenges have you faced since the last time we spoke? Would you like to share some in the comments..!

Few of my regular readers (moms) shared with me their daily struggle (of getting their child (children) to listen to them, a few even deal with stubborn ones who simply refuse to listen to what is being told, some just want their way all the time) and need my help to understand where this is coming from and how to successfully handle them. Basically, all of these moms are struggling with getting their children to listen to them and/or expressing their demands in a subtle way and not in the form of a tantrum.

In order to do that we need to understand a few things, make certain changes and remain patient.

[A]. Lets begin by understanding the reasons for obstinacy or stubborn behaviour and why some children even go to the extent of throwing tantrums:

Well, as mothers we need to realise that children are comparatively new to this world and have less exposure to the outer world , their major environment comprises of parents and like any other human being children are also conditioned by the environment surrounding them.

So the first step to understand the reason behind their obstinacy is to look at ourselves and analyse our actions towards them and our conduct in their presence. Are we comparing them with other kids? Is one of the parents or both are stubborn individuals? Are we being irrational in the eyes of our child while asking them to do something? Are we unknowingly curbing their curiosity in order to discipline them?

If your answer to any of this is affirmative then well you know now what is happening and what needs to be done

[B]. Secondly we need to understand what changes can parents make in their dealings with their children

Instead of telling them to do a certain task, provide them choices and let them choose, this will give them a sense of control and confidence. They will be extremely happy knowing that they decided their own action which also helped them complete their chores. For example, if you want your child to eat a nutritious meal give them choices and ask them to chose between those choices.

Now it may happen that they refuse all the choices, in that case simply communicate your inability to make anything else apart from those choices (you can explain that you have office work or you are on the clock for other household chores or your gym or yoga sessions, etc). Gradually the child will understand that he/she is the decision make and will start to co operate more. The older children will also learn other person's needs and priorities (in this case mom or dad) and will learn to respect those.

Now you must be wondering what should be done with things that are mandatory with no other choice or option. In such a case don't give them any choices. Simply ask them to put on their seat belts or don't go out alone after dark, etc. But that alone wont do the job; you have to ask them in kind words and also explain the logical reason behind your ask. don't instill fear in them but explain the reason.

For example, if you don't want your young child to go out after dark, explain to him/her how it is for their own safety (explain the risks involved in the easiest possible language) and that it will break your heart if any harm comes their way. This will develop a relationship of trust between you & your child and will enable them to come to you for suggestions and guidance in the future.

Have some rules and let go of the excessive ones. Cut them some slack every now and then, like if you notice your child being too sleepy and tired from the day and they forget to put their dishes in the sink do not discipline them that time. Let them go to sleep. Trust me one day is not such a big deal, besides if they see their parents keeping their dishes in the sink after ever meal they are going to imbibe that habit by watching their parents.

Don't be a strict disciplinarian one day and a softie on another. stay balanced in your approach.

Do not be an example of saying NO. If you find yourself responding No to your child's request very often then that may act as an example for them to follow and they will learn to say No as well. Sometimes saying No to a request is okay but it should always be followed by a reason. Other times when you are not sure if what the child is asking for is good for him/her or not respond by saying that you will think about it and follow up on that conversation later.

[C]. Lets learn how to react when the child is posing a challenge:

Firstly take it in a stride, they don't mean to disrespect or hurt you when they say no. They simply don't want to do it or do not understand the importance of the task or their curiosity has their attention fixed elsewhere.

There is an age from 18 months to 3 years where children go through a stubborn period where almost every child shows some form of obstinacy, which is completely normal. Do not doubt your child's behaviour or your parenting skills in that case. The fact is that children in this age are naturally curious about the world and want to explore; however, they don’t realize that they lack the physical and cognitive skills to do everything they desire. So just relax and let them do tasks that are no big deal in the moment.

Do not engage in a verbal spat or argument with your child over his/her NO. Do not even punish him/her if they say No. Punish them for their actions and not for their words.

I would like to end by adding that do not expect your child to be perfect and obedient all the time. Have patience and keep at all the efforts you are putting in to inculcate good habits in them and make sure you yourself are exemplifying those habits and not just preaching them.

Have a Good Week dear Moms!

Ciao till next time!